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Book-Summary - Being Mortal

I know old age is difficult - physically and mentally. I know that in old age, we will be fragile. But, I had not thought about the details. How or Why that happens? This book puts those details into our mind - what are the real challenges of being old, how our body changes. It is very terrifying, interesting to read and also has huge impact into your thinking.

We always think old age is problem and that problem is somehow solvable via medicine or doctor. Hence, when we think of others who are suffering due to old age, we rush to doctor for guidance and assume that if that person follows what doctor says they will come out of the suffering. The same thing occurs with terminal diseases like cancer.

When we are dealing with the old age of our parents, we assume that we are responsible for their survival. May be that is more true, if we ourselves are parents. When we have kids, we are responsible for kids safety and survival. Probably that carries on to the care giving approach we follow for our old parents. For old parents, apart from survival there are other priorities and likes, which we forget to think.

We hesitate to even think about old age problems or how it will be. Whether it is of parents or of ourselves. Probably its the fear of it.

As we have not thought through this, we rely on immediate things. Admit to the hospital. We try to relegate the decision making to the doctors. Whatever doctor says is the right way. We hope that doctor will do some magic either by giving a pill or perform some miracle operation which will make everything fine and we get back to our old state. But, Doctor is aiming for survival. But at an old age, is survival a priority or leading a good life till the inevitable end is the goal? This question cannot be answered by doctor. We forget that - at an old age/during terminal illness everything is an adjustment and everything has a side effect. We forget to step back and look at the larger picture.

In any of these situations, it is important to have following questions answered from the patient and family should be in sync with that.

  • What is your understanding of the current situation and its potential outcomes?
  • What are your fears and what are your hopes?
  • What are the trade-offs you are willing to make and not willing to make?
  • What is the course of action that best serves this understanding?

Overall, this book is a must read and I feel everyone should read it to understand how we will age well and how we treat our parents in their old age.